Diabetes and Depression

**WARNING: This post is about depression. If you are depressed, or are thinking of suicide, YOU ARE NOT ALONE and there are plenty of resources available to you. If you need someone to talk to, I am available and will be leaving my contact info at the bottom of this post. Also, I should mention that I will be sharing parts of my experiences with depression in hopes that if anyone is feeling the same way I have, maybe this can't help them cope as well.

Also, this is going to be a long post!**

Ever since I was 13 years old, I've dealt with depression. It's been an on and off struggle for the past 5 or so years, but somehow I managed to make it up to here.

Statistically speaking, people with diabetes are 50% more likely to suffer from depression than people without diabetes. (This statistic came from a pin on Pinterest that I can't find the source to)

Also, symptoms of depression affect 30% of people with diabetes, while 10% of them experience major depression.
(These stats came from here)

Not so much when I was 13, but more so in the last few years (so for the last 3 years approximately speaking) I've noticed some patterns in my lapses:

• When my sugars are high, I'm more likely to feel depressed and upset
• For the past year and a half, my pump sites were triggering my depression as well 
• Anytime something to do with my diabetes comes up that just doesn't work out, I'll get extremely depressed (the last time this happened was earlier this week when I needed to go get some blood test and they were unable to do it) 

Just to explain a bit for the pump sites. I started using the pump roughly 3 years ago (back in March 2014) and at first, I was placing the sites on my own, but then all of a sudden I couldn't do it anymore so my mom had to start placing them. That went on for about 2 years before the pediatric nurse who follows me suggested for me to place them manually with

These were the sites I used to use (Inset II 6mm with 60cm tubing)

out the applicator. (Just to clarify, I have the One Touch Ping pump from Animas)

Well, placing them manually actually caused more issues because they wouldn't actually go into me, thus causing my sugars to sky rocket almost all the time, thus making me even more depressed and discouraged. Some nights, it got so bad that I actually considered not bothering to change the site, but when it got to that point, I'd make sure to talk to my close friend whom I am extremely comfortable talking to about virtually everything. (Seriously, I don't know how she does it, and I hope she knows how much I truly appreciate her being there for me like this) 

So, just to explain why it was a big deal that I was unable to place my pump sites myself; I am now 18 years old (back when I started having trouble, I was 16 years old, but it was much worse this past year and a half) and I am going to be starting university in September. So, I was really stressed out because
A) I couldn't do my sites on my own and I was a 16 year-old girl, and
B) I'm going to a university that's an hour or so drive away from my parents house, and was going to be living in residence on campus (obviously), so my mom couldn't just drive up and do my sites for me, and 

C) I like my independence, so needing someone to put on my sites just got me mad 

So about two months ago, the pediatric nurse found me different sites that I could put in manually and could be certain that they went in. Now I use the Contact Detach sites 6mm with 60cm tubing, and I can honestly say they work a lot better and they're so easy to place! 

It's an actual needle and not a piece of plastic; that's why it's pretty much fool-proof

The packaging they come in 

Anyway, so what I do to try to overcome my depression when it hits me, is basically talking to my close friend that I mentioned earlier, listening to music and write. I write in journals how I'm feeling and what I think brought on these feelings, and eventually try to find a reason to be happy again (even though it's rarely ever a quick rebound to being happy again). Another thing I do is write stories; from fanfiction to original stories, writing is definitely my therapy in more ways than one as well as listening to music. (I actually have a playlist of My Little Pony songs that I listen to when I'm angry/sad/depressed/happy-- I listen to this playlist almost all the time, but it works!)  

My personal journal 

So, basically, if you're feeling down and depressed, the only advice I can really give you is definitely talk about it. Talk to someone you feel comfortable with, someone who will just sit there and listen to you and give you advice or motivation or anything you need to try to feel better again. Also, do something your passionate about! Like, I write when I feel--well, I write all the time to be honest, but when I write, I always put my feelings in my work. I have stories that will (most likely) never be published for the sole reason that they talk about depression and suicide, but in my mind, having a fictional character end their life is a way better alternative to me trying something stupid and doing something that I'll regret. So, like I said, put your feelings into your work! You draw/paint/any other artistic thing? Use that raw emotion and create something beautiful with it! If you're into exercise, keep at it! Just never stop doing what you're passionate about, no matter how down you get, just keep at it; it will help. Trust me. And let me assure you, no matter how bad it seems to get, it will get better! 

- Serena <3 

**Huge shout out to my friend Megin for always being there for me in my darkest hours and for always encouraging me in all my craziness (seriously how do you put up with me?!) and being one of my biggest supporters; it means a lot! <3 

Also, if you're feeling depressed or upset or just need someone to vent out your frustrations to someone, I'm available and check my email several times a day so if you need to talk to someone and want to talk to me, you can reach me at: abithotakugirl@gmail.com or you can also get a hold of me via Tumblr at depressedteendiabetic.tumblr.com and that too I check often and get notifications whenever someone sends me a message or asks me something. Just remember, you are NEVER ALONE and there's always someone who can help.**